I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
