it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
