just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
