Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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