If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
