Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
