I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he quoted the bible to break up with me
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
