apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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