sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
