My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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