Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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