And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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