that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just want to make out with him forever
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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