The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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