We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
