one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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