Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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