I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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