you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
