Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
