u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
