sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
