I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
