i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
