1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
