I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i love accidental penises.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
