make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
