I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just google imaged poop.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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