My hand turned me down
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
love makes seman taste better
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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