Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
