Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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