I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
