am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
