Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
