wrigley field is MILF paradise
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
