I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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