Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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