the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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