Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
