Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
