we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
