I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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