i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
