TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
