I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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