Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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