Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
