69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
