im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
