What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
