I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
