I molested 6 butterflies tonight
home. puking in laundry basket.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
