My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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