so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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