so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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