Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
