If that was your dad, he is hot
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
