The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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