Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
