I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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