We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
