she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I touched a dick in church today
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
