Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
