I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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