No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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