Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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