Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
