TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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