Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My vagina just recognized that song.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
