I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The Olympian is in my bed
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