His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
