he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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