Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
