i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
