i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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