you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
