What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
