i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
