My cat gives me a boner
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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