Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
