Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
