how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
