ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize