Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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