Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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