I looked at my own cervix.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize