Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
