did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
