gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
