You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize